The 80/20 Rule

At Institute a few weeks ago, the instructor taught us his "80/20 rule" for dating and courtship. He said that when we're dating we have a tendency to rule people out too quickly based on their flaws. He went on to explain that a good rule of thumb is to pay attention to what you like and dislike about that person. If you appreciate/love at least 80% and only dislike about 20%, hold on tight! We're all so different that 20% "bad" in a mate is actually pretty darn good. I chuckled a little when he shared this with us, but it really struck me. Heck, considering all of my crazy tendencies, my only hope is that someone will use that rule with me. The least I can do is follow it myself. Ha ha!

Since then I've applied this rule in my life not only in dating situations but in friendships too. And I'll tell you what, it really helps. Every time I wanted to give up on a certain someone, I thought back to this rule. I constantly reminded myself, Rebecca, this guy is at least an 85/15, so don't freak out. The point in all of this, I suppose, is to quit focusing on the negative. That 80% is so much more important than the 20%, wouldn't you agree?

But...

(Did you sense that there would be a but?)

When you are trying to move on from a relationship that has just ended, go ahead and ignore that 80 and focus on the 20. It works like a charm! After talking to a friend on the phone last night, I realized I needed to sit down and do this. I wrote (with amazing ease, I might add) a list of about forty reasons why I needed to move on with my life. Every time one of the 80 popped into my head, I quickly pushed it aside and replaced it with one of the 20. Now whenever I feel lonely or sad, I'll just look at this list. Emotional crisis averted.

PS: Some of you may have noticed that I deleted my Facebook account. I just needed a little breather to get me through to the end of the semester. Not to worry, I'll be back. But until then, keep sending me your love through blog comments and/or phone calls. :)

But what about Plan A?!

I'm not the type who constantly bemoans her "single" status or can't be happy without a man by her side. I love my independence, am generally a very happy person, and am grateful beyond words for all the amazing experiences I've had because I'm single. Some days, though, I just wonder what gives. Ever since Elder Oaks first gave his talk about dating vs. hanging out, I've felt like I needed to have a more solid Plan B. Plan A, of course, is to get married and start a family; Plan B is what I should be doing in the meantime. His words still ring in my ears:

If you are just marking time waiting for a marriage prospect, stop waiting. You may never have the opportunity for a suitable marriage in this life, so stop waiting and start moving. Prepare yourself for life—even a single life—by education, experience, and planning. Don’t wait for happiness to be thrust upon you. Seek it out in service and learning. Make a life for yourself. And trust in the Lord. (Click here for the full talk.)

So here I am four years later, fully immersed in my Plan B. I quit my mindless job and came back to school full-time to earn the degree I've always dreamed of. I volunteer at an agency that has completely opened my eyes and given me hope for a brighter future. I have great plans to someday save the world, one person at a time. But you know what? My Plan B pales in comparison to Plan A. Don't get me wrong; I have a rockin' Plan B. I love it. I talk about it as if it's the most important thing in the world to me. But I'll let you in on a little secret: It's not. I'd give it all up for my Plan A. In a heartbeat.

So what gives? What gives?! I'm just wondering...

I wonder if somehow while perfecting my Plan B, I forgot to also work towards my Plan A. Did I overlook any Plan A "prospects" because I was too focused on Plan B? Have I missed my chance for Plan A? Can I possibly have both Plan A and Plan B? These are just a few of the questions that have been polluting my mind over the past couple of weeks. I'm just throwing them out into the universe hoping I'll somehow be able to make sense of it all.