I've been here before.
On almost every first date I've ever been on, I'm ready to call it quits before the night is even over. This guy reminded me too much of the last guy I went out with. The one before him seemed too eager. The guy before that didn't even get a first date because I didn't like the way he looked at me. There’s always something. Why is my first instinct to run away? At first I thought it was because only the weird guys are attracted to me. Tonight I realized that I am probably the weirdo. I give up on people before I even give them a fair chance. If someone makes me the slightest bit uncomfortable, or if the chemistry isn't there from day 1, I'm done. That's probably not fair. I started thinking about a friend of mine who constantly dates. Even if she's not sure about the guy, she keeps dating him. The relationship eventually develops or fizzles out. The difference is that she allows it to run its course, whereas I end it before the appetizers have even been served. I want to change that about myself. Do you have any suggestions for how I can do that? I'm gonna start by accepting a second date with this guy, if he even asks me. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't; I was pretty dull tonight. Date with caution when you're drowsy. LOL
10 comments:
Jason bugged my the first date we went on. I kept picking him apart in my mind....he failed. He wasn't impressed with our first date either. The more I went out with him and talked the more the chemistry came...the rest is history. Hang in there Becca and even if it's that bad, it's free food/movie/fun right?!!
I need my cousin Callie to read this post. I think you are on the right track. give em a chance first impressions are never right. I do caution you not to make my mistake. I would continue dating guys long after I knew it was over.
I don't know that I'm quite as generous as your friend who lets her relationships run their course, but when I got asked out by guys that I was not at all interested in, during the date I would have fun and be myself. While enjoying the dinner, movie or event they were paying for I would try to figure out if there was any way he and I could have a chance (does our humor match, our upbringing, our views on life, our goals, is their any physical attraction). If no connection was made they usually didn't ask for a 2nd date and if they did I would evaluate if I saw any kind of connection and decide if I wanted to give them a 2nd chance or not, because as my friends and I would always say "we can't get anymore single!" Not sure if that helped but that's what I did ;) Oh and my husband did most of the talking on the first few dates but because we had lots of other connections we kept going out.
oh and I think you're on the right track that you acknowledged this about yourself and that you're willing to give chatter a 2nd date ;)
Rebecca, you are an awesome person and I love your honesty with this post. I have soo been there. I too am ready to call it off if I'm not entertained/impressed in the first hour. I don't know how to change this, other than accept you're going to be bored sometimes, that no one is 100% exciting and wonderful all the time?
I'm trying these days to think of it like how I developed my close female friendships. Most of them took a few times of hanging out and getting to know them to really feel that strong bond of friendship. Maybe dating needs to be more like friendship?
I have no idea, when you figure it out, let me know!
Sounds like a good plan. Good luck, and listen to Brittany who said just be yourself and have a good time.
I got on here intending to write almost the same thing as my sister. I had the opposite problem I tended to go out with someone that showed any interest in me weather or not I liked them. I'm not suggesting you do that, but I do think you're too picky. Not in the long run, you need to be in the long run, but off the very start. Lets just say If it were me (and I was a guy) I would be scared to date someone that is deciding everything about me on a first date. Put yourself in the opposite possition. If a guy was that quick to judge you on these kinds of things from just a first date without giving you a chance, we would be sitting around saying "I'm sure, how rude!". I say give the guy a second chance maybe a third date and if he still bugs you then move on. There is a whole episode of Friends where Chandler talks about himself doing this very same thing...
Hey think about it this way, any date is better than no date at all (well almost)
okay, I am way late for this bandwagon. But. I have a few things to say!
First of all, I am impressed by your epiphany. Mostly because it came at a time when someone was blabbering off in your ear about this, that, and the other thing only involving themselves. I would have been thinking of nothing other than an escape route. Also, I commend your willingness to try something new and take suggestions.
I am one of those girls that gave guys second chances. I didn't always. But for a while I did. Until I got exceedingly tired of it biting me in the rear end. There were too many weirdos that worked their way into my life and caused me a lot of emotional stress not knowing how to deal with them. By the time I was completely sure I wanted nothing to do with them, it was obvious they were quite invested in me and I would be crushing them when I decided to call it quits. Naturally, this made my young, immature self reluctant to do anything because I cared too much about what others thought of me rather than what was really best for me.
Then, I grew up.
I decided it is a good thing to be picky. It is a good thing to be selective, and run your life according to how you want it to be run. I learned to trust my gut, and not only refuse a second date if I didn't want one, but to not even take a first if I didn't get a good vibe. That was an empowering experience for me. I finally had things going the way I wanted, was dating guys I felt good about, and had WAY less emotional stress in my life.
The catch is, if you are experience stress from being selective and not dating as much as you want, then perhaps it will pay off to make some changes. But for me, my dating life was made quite stressful by NOT being selective. And it paid off (quite nicely as it turns out...) to be more picky.
You just have to figure out what's best for you. It takes trial and error, a willingness to change, and a lot of stress and work. At least it did for me. But obviously if you keep trying different things, something will eventually work. It' a mathematical certainty, or something. :)
Wow! Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses. Who needs a shrink when I have my blogger friends? ;) Seriously, though, you have given me a lot to think about, and I truly appreciate it.
I think I know who that was with ... Cause I had the same experience on my date with him too! lol...
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