Forget about maybe

I adore Ingrid Michaelson, as many of you already know, so I was excited to see her latest video, Maybe, on YouTube a few minutes ago. Adoration aside, I’m not really sure what to think about the song (you can read the lyrics here).

Part of me loves it because I can totally relate to the whole mentality of "pining away" for someone and hoping they'll eventually come back to you. The other part of me hates it…for the same reasons I like it, actually. I guess it hits too close to home. Why do we do this to ourselves? Seriously, why give someone up if you don't want them to leave? Shouldn't we be fighting to keep them in our lives? And when we do decide to say goodbye, shouldn't that be the end of it? Why torture ourselves with all of those maybes?

It's unhealthy to hold onto the hope that someday that person will come around and realize how wonderful you are and how much they need you in their life. If they don't recognize it now, chances are they won't six months or even five years from now. All of those thoughts of "maybe you're gonna come back" are just a waste of time and energy. Forget about that misguided proverb of setting something free and waiting for it to come back. That's a load of crock, if you ask me. I say you should let it go, walk away, lock your door, and move on.

The end

Epiphany

I went to the movies tonight with a guy I met at church. Whether or not it was a date is still a mystery to me, but I'm assuming it was supposed to be. Anyway, we went out to ice cream afterward, even though I was exhausted after a busy couple of days at work. As I sat there sipping my shake, it seemed like the guy was trying to "sell" himself to me. He was probably just nervous, but he went on and on about his plans for the future and his past accomplishments for a good ten minutes before he finally asked me about myself. I barely got one sentence in before he started talking again. My eyes glazed over as he spoke, and I found myself wishing the evening would end. I'm sure my exhaustion contributed to my lack of enthusiasm, but I just wasn’t feeling it and began planning my exit strategy. Then it hit me:

I've been here before.

On almost every first date I've ever been on, I'm ready to call it quits before the night is even over. This guy reminded me too much of the last guy I went out with. The one before him seemed too eager. The guy before that didn't even get a first date because I didn't like the way he looked at me. There’s always something. Why is my first instinct to run away? At first I thought it was because only the weird guys are attracted to me. Tonight I realized that I am probably the weirdo. I give up on people before I even give them a fair chance. If someone makes me the slightest bit uncomfortable, or if the chemistry isn't there from day 1, I'm done. That's probably not fair. I started thinking about a friend of mine who constantly dates. Even if she's not sure about the guy, she keeps dating him. The relationship eventually develops or fizzles out. The difference is that she allows it to run its course, whereas I end it before the appetizers have even been served. I want to change that about myself. Do you have any suggestions for how I can do that? I'm gonna start by accepting a second date with this guy, if he even asks me. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't; I was pretty dull tonight. Date with caution when you're drowsy. LOL

Blind Confidence

As I was dragging myself up to the library a few minutes ago, I noticed a young blind guy making his way down the steps. I steer clear of anyone carrying that white stick because I've already had a few close encounters. I view it as a warning to all within a 15-foot radius: Beware! This guy, however, could trip me any day of the week. He was gorgeous. Not the type of guy I'm typically attracted to, he had several tattoos and a pierced eyebrow. For some reason, though, I couldn't stop gawking. I found myself thinking, I could totally nab him; he's blind! And, How cool would it be to date a blind guy - I'd never have to feel insecure about how I look! I watched as he approached me, admiring his beautiful arms and worrying that he might stumble on the last step. When I realized I was beginning to stare, I bashfully looked away. Then it dawned on me that he can't see! With the confidence of a super model, I locked my gaze on him until he had passed me by. It felt great.