Backfired love

Remember that post from yesterday? Can I please just take it all back?

OK, I don't really mean that - I'm just feeling frustrated right now. I hate when things I say come back to bite me in the butt. When I said I was going to love people more openly, I didn't realize just how vulnerable that would make me. Tonight I realized that if you're too kind and loving, it's that much easier for people to take advantage of you. Can't people just appreciate being loved instead of using it to their advantage? If it's so important to care about people, why does it sometimes leave me feeling so empty? Blah!

On a positive note, this experience reminds me just how lucky I am for the friends who don't take advantage of me but actually love me back. Fortunately, those kind of friends far outweigh the ones who take me for granted. So... thank you, my friends. I'm grateful to have you in my life. :)

Watch your step

Blonde Roommate has a cat that she absolutely adores. Cat likes to lie in front of my bedroom door so I trip over him when leaving for work in the wee hours of the morning. He is also quite smelly and likes to overeat. Because Cat overeats, it’s not uncommon for him to spew the contents of his stomach in random places all over the apartment. And it’s definitely not unusual for my bare feet to happen upon said throw up first thing in the morning while pouring myself a bowl of shredded wheat. It’s not something you want to feel between your toes, I’ll tell you that much. Needless to say, I’m not Cat’s biggest fan. So… does it make me a bad person that I laughed when I saw a large pile of steaming vomit just inside Blonde Roommate’s immaculate bedroom?

Forget about maybe

I adore Ingrid Michaelson, as many of you already know, so I was excited to see her latest video, Maybe, on YouTube a few minutes ago. Adoration aside, I’m not really sure what to think about the song (you can read the lyrics here).

Part of me loves it because I can totally relate to the whole mentality of "pining away" for someone and hoping they'll eventually come back to you. The other part of me hates it…for the same reasons I like it, actually. I guess it hits too close to home. Why do we do this to ourselves? Seriously, why give someone up if you don't want them to leave? Shouldn't we be fighting to keep them in our lives? And when we do decide to say goodbye, shouldn't that be the end of it? Why torture ourselves with all of those maybes?

It's unhealthy to hold onto the hope that someday that person will come around and realize how wonderful you are and how much they need you in their life. If they don't recognize it now, chances are they won't six months or even five years from now. All of those thoughts of "maybe you're gonna come back" are just a waste of time and energy. Forget about that misguided proverb of setting something free and waiting for it to come back. That's a load of crock, if you ask me. I say you should let it go, walk away, lock your door, and move on.

The end

Things that have been on my mind lately...

Why do companies suddenly decide to stop selling the ONE product you are attached to? Last year, my favorite toothbrush was discontinued. It wasn't anything fancy - just a simple, inexpensive, but very effective toothbrush. I still haven't found a replacement that works as well and fits to my teeth as perfectly as that one did. Sad day. At least I still had my favorite toothpaste, though. But guess what?! That, too, has been snatched from me. Over the past few weeks, I've searched all over San Marcos, as well as a few places in San Antonio; it's nowhere to be found! I now have three different types of toothpaste in my medicine cabinet, all of which either tear my mouth apart or taste gross...or both. This might seem weird to you, but I take oral hygiene very seriously. I'm so aggravated.

I wonder why I feel the need to constantly update my Facebook status. I'm such a private person, so why must I tell hundreds of people my innermost thoughts and feelings? It's not like I want to explain it to any of them. In fact, I usually don't want anyone to know what I really mean; I just need to write it down for some reason. It's really weird. Sometimes I even target my status to a specific person, assuming he'll see it and wonder if it's about him. How dumb is that? Also, I secretly get annoyed at people who don't update their status regularly. Especially people who have been on Facebook multiple times since their last update. And get this: When I'm out doing stuff around town or at school, I often think to myself: "That would be a funny status update." What is wrong with me?! I'm hooked on the "what's on your mind?" box.

Isn't it annoying when you take your car to the Wal-Mart "Quick Lube" and they tell you there's a two-hour wait... so you wander aimlessly around the store looking at stupid things you don't need, spending money you don't have for two painful hours before finally going to see if your car is ready... only to see on the receipt that they finished the job 20 minutes after you dropped it off? No phone call, no intercom page, no nothing. That's annoying. I hate Wal-Mart.

How come your car will make awkward noises for months, only to stop the day you actually get around to taking it to the shop? How does that even make sense?!

Why when you're thinking about someone you want to get over does he post a comment on your Facebook profile or leave you a cute voicemail? It's really annoying and not helpful. Or better yet: You get a notification that he posted something on your wall, only to find that he deleted it before you could even read it, which, of course, leaves you wondering what he had to say and why he didn't just leave it there. That's even more annoying. (Can you tell I'm checking Facebook while writing this blog? True story. Just happened.)

Speaking of which, do you agree with this article? I'm just curious. Maybe my problem is that I'm trying to stay friends with this guy (not an ex-boyfriend, just someone I dated for a while and am clearly still crazy about). Should I just delete him from my life? How do I go about doing that? I'm not sure I'm strong enough. Any thoughts?

Here I go again, spewing the contents of my brain/heart for all the world to see. I guess that's why I called this blog "You Read My Mind." After all, what is a blog good for if not to spill your every thought, doubt, fear, etc.? This is me, world. Take it or leave it.

Until next time...

Crosswalks

Have you ever gotten annoyed because someone approached the crosswalk where you were already standing and pressed the button? Seriously?! Did you think I was just standing here hoping the sign would magically change? Of course I pushed the button! Well… I promise never to get annoyed about that again. A few days ago, I approached a busy crosswalk right before the light was supposed to turn green. When I say busy, I mean there were at least 10 people on each side of the street waiting to cross. I got there just as the light should have turned green (I cross there often and know the pattern), but…it didn't. Our turn came and went. Out of 20 people, not even one of them bothered to push the button. Not one! Wanna know something else? That's not the first time that has happened...and, believe me, it's not the second either. That has happened three—count that: 3!—times in the four short months I've been here. That's San Marcos for ya.

Lessons learned

A lesson I should have learned as a child:

Don't use your teeth to open anything.

Ever.

Because I'm a dork and chose to ignore that bit of advice, I am now exactly $376 poorer. In addition, I'll probably have to pay another $500+ since the crown that needs replacing was only 3 years old and the insurance most likely won't cover it. I'm numb. And I'm not talking about my mouth (though that's numb too).

Happy Wednesday to me.

Facebook Overload

My fabulous roommate, Sara, and I were just discussing how silly Facebook is...particularly about being friends with everyone and their dog (and their dog's friends). Five minutes later, I logged on and saw this article. Oh my goodness! That is SOOO me (with the exception of the "top 10 warning signs," most of which don't really apply). Sara recently deleted a bunch of people from her friend list and has gotten it down into the double digits. I, on the other have just surpassed the 400 friends mark, and it kind of makes me sick. What started out as a novel way to keep in touch with old friends has gotten way out of control. I am now trying to catch up with all sorts of people that I didn't even know that well before we got "back in touch." Is this really necessary? Do I really need to be Facebook friends with everyone I saw one time across the room at church? Or with every person in my high school graduating class? Or the girl who sat behind me in Spanish class three semesters ago? They are all lovely people, so where do I draw the line? Should I go through and delete people I don't know all that well? I want to keep in touch with people, but it's gotten way out of hand. How do I decide who is "worthy" of keeping in contact with and who is not? What have you done to avoid this Facebook overload?

Missed calls

I sort of have a rule that when someone calls me and doesn't leave a message, I won't call them back. My voicemail recording even states that fact. The only exceptions to this rule are when the missed call is from a family member or very close friend. Even then, I sometimes feel justified in ignoring it (I really don't like talking on the phone). But sometimes I receive a call that piques my interest, and it takes every bit of self-control not to call that person back. I got one of those calls today. No good can come from calling this person, so I'm sticking to my guns and ignoring it. My curiosity is killing me though.

Let me paint you a picture...

Allow me to paint you a picture of my first weekend “away” at school. Wild parties? Boys? No, even better (LOL). I got into town on Saturday around 7 PM. One of my roommates was planning to spend the evening with friends in Austin and another was heading off to make apple crisp with a neighbor. I decided to use the evening to unpack and clean my room (yes, I like to live on the wild side). I finished unpacking my boxes and stepped out of the apartment to throw them in the dumpster. As I headed out the door, I thought “Maybe I should take my keys just in case my roommate leaves while I’m outside.” I quickly pushed that thought aside, assuming the chances of her leaving during that two minutes were pretty slim. (Do you see where I’m going with this?) As I was walking back to the apartment, I saw a girl across the parking lot rushing to her car. I thought, “Uh oh, what if that’s my roommate?!” Instead of calling out her name, like a normal person might do, I rushed to the front door to see if it was locked. What luck! It was. I rushed back out to the parking lot just as the red Mustang was pulling away and started yelling her name, flapping my arms in the air like a crazy person. Unfortunately she didn’t see me and peeled off into the night. So here I am at 9:30 on a Saturday night, wearing a pair of baggy sweats, a ratty old T-shirt that is LITERALLY three sizes too big, and my granny slippers (very warm and comfy, not so stylish). I had no idea what to do and I was mortified to be seen in those clothes, so I sat on the steps and waited. After about 30 minutes, I decided to look for my other roommate. I knew she was at a neighbor’s house, but I didn’t know which apartment she lived in. So… I started knocking on random doors, hoping to find her (or at least someone that knew her). First door: Hot guy wearing nothing but a skimpy towel. It was mortifying. I gave up after several doors proved unfruitful and decided to go sit. My roommate promised to bring home some apple crisp, so I knew she’d be back before it got too late. She finally showed up at about 10:30, at which point the story became funny (experiences like this are never very funny when you’re in the middle of them). Good times!

Church today was pretty cool. The branch here is much smaller than I expected, but the members are fantastic. Since it’s so tiny, it’s easy to notice the new people, and I was greeted by practically everyone. They made me feel right at home, and I have no doubt I will thrive here. What’s even more amazing is that during the opening hymn, a girl came into the chapel looking for a place to sit. I gestured for her to sit next to me, and she gratefully smiled down at me. Her face looked familiar, and it took me a minute to realize she looked just like my Madrid MTC companion. I didn’t believe it could actually be her, so I craned my neck to see her scriptures. Sure enough, it was. She just moved here for grad school. How amazing is that?! I haven’t seen her since we left Madrid 5½ years ago, and here she was sitting by my side. What a tender mercy! I can tell this is going to be a great semester. I’m so happy to be here.

I could never be a teacher

These past two weeks have been a bit hectic. I’ve been writing papers, studying for finals, trying to find a place to live, and training my replacement at work. I turned in the paper last week, and I’ll take my last final tonight (hooray!). I also found a fantastic place to live and got it for a fraction of the price most of the tenants are paying. Life is good. The only thing I haven’t quite enjoyed is training this new person. She’s a sweetheart, but…well…let’s just say it’s been a patience-building exercise for me. It takes every ounce of self-control I have to not reach over and yank the keyboard from her hands and do it myself. I’m sick of repeating the same thing over and over again, only to be asked about it five minutes later. I just can’t comprehend why it’s so difficult to grasp; my job is really not that complicated, especially for someone that supposedly has the required experience. I guess one month of training really wasn’t that far-fetched after all. I’m now beginning to think it won’t be enough time. She keeps saying “I should get your cell number in case I need help.” In my head I’m thinking, “Honey, if a month of training doesn’t cut it, there’s really no hope for you.” And “H no, I’m not giving you my number!” She started last Monday, so I still have another 3-1/2 weeks of this. My only consolation is that two of the weeks are broken up by holidays; I’ve never been happier for Christmas! Oh, and to make matters worse, she’s been sick this whole time and has been coughing all over the place. Yuck! Right now she’s only working afternoons, so every morning when I come into work, I take out my handy dandy Lysol sanitizing wipes and give my desk a complete scrub down. I just now used my last one to wipe down all my pens and pencils. Guess I better run to Wal-Mart before I come in tomorrow. The countdown is on!

Trunky

I didn't know what I was getting into when I kindly gave more than two months' notice at my job. I naively figured the new person would start about a week before I headed out (it normally takes that long - or longer - to hire someone around here). But au contraire. Just two weeks after I gave my notice, they've already chosen someone to replace me. Turns out the new person will start in about a week, and I will have to train her for an entire MONTH. I am really not looking forward to that. Seriously, my job is not THAT difficult to learn. It makes me doubt the qualifications of this person if she requires five weeks of babysitting before she can handle the job on her own...or maybe I've just done a REALLY good job of making my job seem complex. LOL! January 9 seems so far away.

Side note: Our new mail delivery guy is really friendly. I wish I could be that happy in a job that's probably quite mundane.