Forget about maybe

I adore Ingrid Michaelson, as many of you already know, so I was excited to see her latest video, Maybe, on YouTube a few minutes ago. Adoration aside, I’m not really sure what to think about the song (you can read the lyrics here).

Part of me loves it because I can totally relate to the whole mentality of "pining away" for someone and hoping they'll eventually come back to you. The other part of me hates it…for the same reasons I like it, actually. I guess it hits too close to home. Why do we do this to ourselves? Seriously, why give someone up if you don't want them to leave? Shouldn't we be fighting to keep them in our lives? And when we do decide to say goodbye, shouldn't that be the end of it? Why torture ourselves with all of those maybes?

It's unhealthy to hold onto the hope that someday that person will come around and realize how wonderful you are and how much they need you in their life. If they don't recognize it now, chances are they won't six months or even five years from now. All of those thoughts of "maybe you're gonna come back" are just a waste of time and energy. Forget about that misguided proverb of setting something free and waiting for it to come back. That's a load of crock, if you ask me. I say you should let it go, walk away, lock your door, and move on.

The end

Epiphany

I went to the movies tonight with a guy I met at church. Whether or not it was a date is still a mystery to me, but I'm assuming it was supposed to be. Anyway, we went out to ice cream afterward, even though I was exhausted after a busy couple of days at work. As I sat there sipping my shake, it seemed like the guy was trying to "sell" himself to me. He was probably just nervous, but he went on and on about his plans for the future and his past accomplishments for a good ten minutes before he finally asked me about myself. I barely got one sentence in before he started talking again. My eyes glazed over as he spoke, and I found myself wishing the evening would end. I'm sure my exhaustion contributed to my lack of enthusiasm, but I just wasn’t feeling it and began planning my exit strategy. Then it hit me:

I've been here before.

On almost every first date I've ever been on, I'm ready to call it quits before the night is even over. This guy reminded me too much of the last guy I went out with. The one before him seemed too eager. The guy before that didn't even get a first date because I didn't like the way he looked at me. There’s always something. Why is my first instinct to run away? At first I thought it was because only the weird guys are attracted to me. Tonight I realized that I am probably the weirdo. I give up on people before I even give them a fair chance. If someone makes me the slightest bit uncomfortable, or if the chemistry isn't there from day 1, I'm done. That's probably not fair. I started thinking about a friend of mine who constantly dates. Even if she's not sure about the guy, she keeps dating him. The relationship eventually develops or fizzles out. The difference is that she allows it to run its course, whereas I end it before the appetizers have even been served. I want to change that about myself. Do you have any suggestions for how I can do that? I'm gonna start by accepting a second date with this guy, if he even asks me. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't; I was pretty dull tonight. Date with caution when you're drowsy. LOL

Blind Confidence

As I was dragging myself up to the library a few minutes ago, I noticed a young blind guy making his way down the steps. I steer clear of anyone carrying that white stick because I've already had a few close encounters. I view it as a warning to all within a 15-foot radius: Beware! This guy, however, could trip me any day of the week. He was gorgeous. Not the type of guy I'm typically attracted to, he had several tattoos and a pierced eyebrow. For some reason, though, I couldn't stop gawking. I found myself thinking, I could totally nab him; he's blind! And, How cool would it be to date a blind guy - I'd never have to feel insecure about how I look! I watched as he approached me, admiring his beautiful arms and worrying that he might stumble on the last step. When I realized I was beginning to stare, I bashfully looked away. Then it dawned on me that he can't see! With the confidence of a super model, I locked my gaze on him until he had passed me by. It felt great.

Segregation today?!?

I found this CNN video to be absolutely appalling. How in the world was this school getting away with having segregated proms? I don't even know what to say; I'm just absolutely floored. What do you think about this?

Whose bow is this?

Overheard in my living room just moments ago:

"What's this? Did somebody lose a bow?

Oh wait! It's your thong!"

*No, it was not my thong. However, I would be very proud if I could fit into something small enough to be confused for a ribbon. Ha ha!

Ellen with her Hawaii chair

Oh. My. Gosh. This is hilarious!

The mouths of babes

The other day my 3-1/2 year old nephew gave me a big hug after I walked in the front door. He smiled up at me and said, "Becky, you smell good. And that's a good thing because most people with black hair stink!"

Gosh, I love that kid!

PS: Sorry about the "ho hum" nature of the last few posts. The past few months have been rough, but hopefully I'll have some upbeat stuff to blog about soon. Be patient with me.

An off day/week/month...

Today was an off day for me. This is never good on a Sunday because I teach Sunday School and am expected to have the Spirit with me. Unfortunately, all I felt today were my nerves and the tears that constantly threatened to escape my stubborn eyes. Fortunately, Heavenly Father hears our prayers, even when we're not in the best of moods. It always amazes me how patient He is with me, despite my ever-expanding imperfections. He really helped me out today, and I'm so grateful for that.

Thanks for all your advice regarding the last blog I wrote. I finally realized that you (and the article) were right, so I ended my friendship with the boy. It was extremely difficult to do, and the wounds are still pretty fresh, but I know it was the right thing. I'm hoping down the road (once my feelings for him go away) we can be friends again, but I know we'll never be as close as we were. It hurts, but I suppose that's the reality of it all. These past few months have been wretched, so I hope this actually helps in the long run.

Random thoughts to lighten

the "mood" of this post...

Does it make me a total nerd to admit that I'm really excited about this? Oh, the memories! I never knew the DVD version was available, and I cannot wait to order it. Yippee!

Funny sight on the drive home from church today: A young man riding a unicycle while balancing a football in one arm and a 12-pack of beer in the other. Now that's talent!

After searching for several weeks, I finally found my favorite brand and flavor of toothpaste this weekend. I wanted to buy the entire stock, but I limited myself to four tubes. Who would have thought a find like that could bring such joy? I'm taking it as a sign that things are gonna start looking up. :)

Yesterday I went to Chrissy & Zach's reception. Everything was absolutely beautiful, especially Chrissy. I immediately started blubbering when I saw her, which is something I didn't expect. After all, she and I aren't that close and have only hung out a handful of times. There's something about her, though, that has always held a special place in my heart. I was so happy to be there to share that special day with her and Zach. You are both wonderful, and I'm so happy you found each other. Congratulations, again. I wish you all the best. I hope you both keep on blogging!

Paper Towels

I debated whether or not I should post this because it has a couple of swear words, but it just cracked me up. Then again, it was 1 am when I watched it, so maybe it's not even funny. Hope you enjoy it!

PS: I'll try to post a real blog next week.

There's always gonna be another mountain

OK, so most of you probably hate Miley Cyrus, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I adore her. I know she's not the most talented singer or actress, but I think she's charming. And I absolutely love this song. It has such a great message. I love, love, love it!

That's all for now. Enjoy! :)

Things that have been on my mind lately...

Why do companies suddenly decide to stop selling the ONE product you are attached to? Last year, my favorite toothbrush was discontinued. It wasn't anything fancy - just a simple, inexpensive, but very effective toothbrush. I still haven't found a replacement that works as well and fits to my teeth as perfectly as that one did. Sad day. At least I still had my favorite toothpaste, though. But guess what?! That, too, has been snatched from me. Over the past few weeks, I've searched all over San Marcos, as well as a few places in San Antonio; it's nowhere to be found! I now have three different types of toothpaste in my medicine cabinet, all of which either tear my mouth apart or taste gross...or both. This might seem weird to you, but I take oral hygiene very seriously. I'm so aggravated.

I wonder why I feel the need to constantly update my Facebook status. I'm such a private person, so why must I tell hundreds of people my innermost thoughts and feelings? It's not like I want to explain it to any of them. In fact, I usually don't want anyone to know what I really mean; I just need to write it down for some reason. It's really weird. Sometimes I even target my status to a specific person, assuming he'll see it and wonder if it's about him. How dumb is that? Also, I secretly get annoyed at people who don't update their status regularly. Especially people who have been on Facebook multiple times since their last update. And get this: When I'm out doing stuff around town or at school, I often think to myself: "That would be a funny status update." What is wrong with me?! I'm hooked on the "what's on your mind?" box.

Isn't it annoying when you take your car to the Wal-Mart "Quick Lube" and they tell you there's a two-hour wait... so you wander aimlessly around the store looking at stupid things you don't need, spending money you don't have for two painful hours before finally going to see if your car is ready... only to see on the receipt that they finished the job 20 minutes after you dropped it off? No phone call, no intercom page, no nothing. That's annoying. I hate Wal-Mart.

How come your car will make awkward noises for months, only to stop the day you actually get around to taking it to the shop? How does that even make sense?!

Why when you're thinking about someone you want to get over does he post a comment on your Facebook profile or leave you a cute voicemail? It's really annoying and not helpful. Or better yet: You get a notification that he posted something on your wall, only to find that he deleted it before you could even read it, which, of course, leaves you wondering what he had to say and why he didn't just leave it there. That's even more annoying. (Can you tell I'm checking Facebook while writing this blog? True story. Just happened.)

Speaking of which, do you agree with this article? I'm just curious. Maybe my problem is that I'm trying to stay friends with this guy (not an ex-boyfriend, just someone I dated for a while and am clearly still crazy about). Should I just delete him from my life? How do I go about doing that? I'm not sure I'm strong enough. Any thoughts?

Here I go again, spewing the contents of my brain/heart for all the world to see. I guess that's why I called this blog "You Read My Mind." After all, what is a blog good for if not to spill your every thought, doubt, fear, etc.? This is me, world. Take it or leave it.

Until next time...

All-nighter

I should never have gotten on Facebook tonight after that fireside. I wasn't going to, but stupid me, I did it anyway. That led to me getting offended over a dumb e-mail, which led to another strange e-mail, which led to a confusing voicemail, which led to me crying and not being able to sleep. Now it's 4:07 am, and my alarm will be going off in exactly 13 minutes, and I haven't slept at all. And I don't even know why I'm writing this since I don't intend on explaining it to any of you (no offense, but you'll understand if you know me at all). I'm just so frustrated and confused and tired. To top it all off, I have a paper due at 2 pm today, and I've only written about a half page of jibberish. I was supposed to finish it this weekend but got roped into doing other things (I need to learn to say no, which is another problem I have). Then I figured I could finish it after work today, but now it looks like I will be coming home to sleep instead. I don't need to fall apart right now, but I feel like I'm barely hanging onto the end of my rapidly fraying rope. Ugh!

Time to get ready for work. Wish me luck!

Update: It is now 6:40 am, and I just got back from sitting in a dark parking lot at work waiting for the shift leader to show up. I was there from 4:50 until 6:15, and nobody came except one of my other coworkers. What a joke! All that lost sleep for nothing. I sure hope this day gets better. :(

R.A.D.

Last month I took a self-defense course called R.A.D. (Rape Aggression Defense System). Some Universities offer this program free of charge, but it's quite affordable if you're not so lucky. This isn't like other self-defense classes that teach strange techniques you probably won't remember if you ever needed to use them. They teach practical self-defense and provide opportunities for you to practice it. In addition, the one time course fee ($25) is good for a lifetime; after completing the course, you can attend any future session free of charge to refresh your skills. It's fantastic! I felt empowered after attending this class, and I highly recommend each of you ladies find a program in your area and enroll (they offer a different class for men, if any of you guys are interested).

I found this picture on the R.A.D. website. This is the gear the students and "fake attacker" wear in the simulations. I was pretty frightened knowing I was going to be attacked (even though it was fake), but I feel good now knowing I can protect myself. Click here to find a program in your area and sign up.

After All We Can Do

This talk, After All We Can Do,* means so much to me. It's by Elder Claudio D. Zivic, a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy who also happens to be my mission president. He gave this talk in October 2007 when he was first called to the 70. I cried through the whole thing; it meant so much to see him again and hear his voice. He's an amazing man. I love the message of this talk. It probably means even more to me than most other people because I know him on a different level. I have no doubt that he's a man of God, so I hang onto every word he says. It makes me smile hearing him speak English too. He's from Argentina and rarely spoke more than two or three words to us in English. What a treat.

Earlier this month I was blessed with the opportunity to go to General Conference. I didn't really have the money, but I knew President and Hermana Zivic would be there. So...I went. Our mission reunion was on Friday night. I was intimidated to see the Zivics because my Spanish skills are quickly dwindling, and I didn't want them to hear how poorly I speak now (they always used to compliment me on how well I spoke Spanish). When I saw Hermana Zivic, she gave me a big hug and remembered just who I was. She said, "Remember the bookmark you and Hermana Watts made me for Valentine's Day? I still carry that with me in my scriptures." I was so thrilled to hear that. Then she said, "Hermana Emmot, whenever President Zivic travels on speaking assignments, he brings one of the last letters that you wrote him. He never says who wrote it, but he always shares it over the pulpit." I was really taken aback by that. I have always felt like my mission president never really took me very seriously. It's something I've always struggled with (even to this day), so that little comment meant the world to me. As she was telling me this, Elder Zivic walked over and said, "Yes, hermana, it really was a beautiful letter." Even now, I want to cry just thinking about it. It seems silly, but I really needed to hear that from him. I guess it was validation that he viewed me as a serious missionary... someone he can still quote four years later.

On Saturday afternoon, I saw the two of them again between conference sessions. After giving me a big hug, Elder Zivic held me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes with that happy grin of his, "Hermana, I've been thinking a lot about you lately and hoping I'd get to see you this weekend. I'm so glad you came. It's really been a pleasure to see you. Please, please keep in touch." These moments are the reason I used up my entire tax return (and then some!) to go to Utah. I could have gone home after that, and it would have all been worth it. Oh, but wait! There's more. I have this amazing friend from the mission who pulled some strings and got me front row seats. We were literally behind all the emeritus general authorities! It was unreal. Once in a lifetime opportunity! Some of the most memorable things about being that close were:

(1) Observing Elder Anderson's facial expressions as President Monson and others testified that he was called of God; it was clear (or so it seemed) he felt inadequate and unsure

(2) Watching Elder Bednar sing along with the choir

(3) Making eye contact with President Uchtdorf and him smiling down at me

(4) Sort of elbowing Elder Nelson because I didn't see him walking past me

(5) Seeing general authorities fall asleep during conference (now I don't feel so guilty!)

Those are the kind of things you miss out on by watching conference on TV or in one of the 21,000 seats behind us. Thanks, majo (or mozo, as Joaquina always called you). I'll repay the favor someday when you come visit me in Texas (though anything I could do would pale in comparison). What a great month. I love my life!

*Click here for the text version of his talk

L to R: Hermana Watts (one of my absolute favorite

companions), me, Hermana Zivic, and Elder Zivic

Hermana Anhder (another one of my favorite companions) and

me at conference. Check out how close we were!

Can you even believe it?! Amazing! :)

Crosswalks

Have you ever gotten annoyed because someone approached the crosswalk where you were already standing and pressed the button? Seriously?! Did you think I was just standing here hoping the sign would magically change? Of course I pushed the button! Well… I promise never to get annoyed about that again. A few days ago, I approached a busy crosswalk right before the light was supposed to turn green. When I say busy, I mean there were at least 10 people on each side of the street waiting to cross. I got there just as the light should have turned green (I cross there often and know the pattern), but…it didn't. Our turn came and went. Out of 20 people, not even one of them bothered to push the button. Not one! Wanna know something else? That's not the first time that has happened...and, believe me, it's not the second either. That has happened three—count that: 3!—times in the four short months I've been here. That's San Marcos for ya.

Children

Did you know that April is Child Abuse Prevention month? Wear a blue ribbon this month to show your support for this cause. Also, if you suspect a child is being abused or neglected, please report it by calling the Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD.

As many of you know, I have been volunteering this semester at Child Protective Services. Though the hours are required as part of my Social Services in the Community class, I am grateful for the chance I've had to work at this particular agency. It's been a phenomenal experience. In contrast to the confusion I've felt in many other areas of my life, I truly feel alive when I'm there. Like I belong there. Maybe I've blogged about this before, but I feel like I've finally found my purpose. In all honesty, I would work there for free. To me, that's more of an answer than anything else. I have found my place. Unfortunately, though, I need money to survive. So...after next week, I will say goodbye to the wonderful CPS caseworkers and special children I've worked with. Time to find a job. Sad day.

The 80/20 Rule

At Institute a few weeks ago, the instructor taught us his "80/20 rule" for dating and courtship. He said that when we're dating we have a tendency to rule people out too quickly based on their flaws. He went on to explain that a good rule of thumb is to pay attention to what you like and dislike about that person. If you appreciate/love at least 80% and only dislike about 20%, hold on tight! We're all so different that 20% "bad" in a mate is actually pretty darn good. I chuckled a little when he shared this with us, but it really struck me. Heck, considering all of my crazy tendencies, my only hope is that someone will use that rule with me. The least I can do is follow it myself. Ha ha!

Since then I've applied this rule in my life not only in dating situations but in friendships too. And I'll tell you what, it really helps. Every time I wanted to give up on a certain someone, I thought back to this rule. I constantly reminded myself, Rebecca, this guy is at least an 85/15, so don't freak out. The point in all of this, I suppose, is to quit focusing on the negative. That 80% is so much more important than the 20%, wouldn't you agree?

But...

(Did you sense that there would be a but?)

When you are trying to move on from a relationship that has just ended, go ahead and ignore that 80 and focus on the 20. It works like a charm! After talking to a friend on the phone last night, I realized I needed to sit down and do this. I wrote (with amazing ease, I might add) a list of about forty reasons why I needed to move on with my life. Every time one of the 80 popped into my head, I quickly pushed it aside and replaced it with one of the 20. Now whenever I feel lonely or sad, I'll just look at this list. Emotional crisis averted.

PS: Some of you may have noticed that I deleted my Facebook account. I just needed a little breather to get me through to the end of the semester. Not to worry, I'll be back. But until then, keep sending me your love through blog comments and/or phone calls. :)

Another Guilty Pleasure

Don't ask me why, but I absolutely LOVE this song. It's so *not* me, but I just can't get enough of it. We had fun dancing and singing along to it at the dance tonight. Fun times!

But what about Plan A?!

I'm not the type who constantly bemoans her "single" status or can't be happy without a man by her side. I love my independence, am generally a very happy person, and am grateful beyond words for all the amazing experiences I've had because I'm single. Some days, though, I just wonder what gives. Ever since Elder Oaks first gave his talk about dating vs. hanging out, I've felt like I needed to have a more solid Plan B. Plan A, of course, is to get married and start a family; Plan B is what I should be doing in the meantime. His words still ring in my ears:

If you are just marking time waiting for a marriage prospect, stop waiting. You may never have the opportunity for a suitable marriage in this life, so stop waiting and start moving. Prepare yourself for life—even a single life—by education, experience, and planning. Don’t wait for happiness to be thrust upon you. Seek it out in service and learning. Make a life for yourself. And trust in the Lord. (Click here for the full talk.)

So here I am four years later, fully immersed in my Plan B. I quit my mindless job and came back to school full-time to earn the degree I've always dreamed of. I volunteer at an agency that has completely opened my eyes and given me hope for a brighter future. I have great plans to someday save the world, one person at a time. But you know what? My Plan B pales in comparison to Plan A. Don't get me wrong; I have a rockin' Plan B. I love it. I talk about it as if it's the most important thing in the world to me. But I'll let you in on a little secret: It's not. I'd give it all up for my Plan A. In a heartbeat.

So what gives? What gives?! I'm just wondering...

I wonder if somehow while perfecting my Plan B, I forgot to also work towards my Plan A. Did I overlook any Plan A "prospects" because I was too focused on Plan B? Have I missed my chance for Plan A? Can I possibly have both Plan A and Plan B? These are just a few of the questions that have been polluting my mind over the past couple of weeks. I'm just throwing them out into the universe hoping I'll somehow be able to make sense of it all.

Lessons learned

A lesson I should have learned as a child:

Don't use your teeth to open anything.

Ever.

Because I'm a dork and chose to ignore that bit of advice, I am now exactly $376 poorer. In addition, I'll probably have to pay another $500+ since the crown that needs replacing was only 3 years old and the insurance most likely won't cover it. I'm numb. And I'm not talking about my mouth (though that's numb too).

Happy Wednesday to me.

My Best Friends: My Sisters

My sister, Heather, came for a visit this week. That meant that four out of the five sisters were here. It was fantastic! (We missed you, Rachel.) I don't know how other families are, but when we girls get together, it's complete chaos. We always end up staying awake until the wee hours of the morning (the magic time this week was 4:30 am) talking, laughing, and crying until our throats and sides are sore. There was more crying than usual this time (three out of the four of us were a bit emotional), but it was nice to have each other to lean on. I miss that. I miss reminiscing about old times and making fun of our "whiskey tango" childhood. I miss having people around me who love me unconditionally; people who know who I was but still love who I am. I sometimes wonder how we all turned out so normal, considering some of the crap we went through. I feel grateful I didn't have to go through as much as my older siblings, but I'm happy for the lot I was given. I'm a stronger person because of it, and I don't regret a thing. Ok, maybe that's not the complete truth. But...I have learned from it all, and I try to use that in times (like now) when I don't feel quite so strong. I'm learning to find strength within myself. But when it's difficult to find that strength, it's nice to know I have four wonderful friends I can turn to: My sisters.

PS: I hate this picture of me, but it's the most recent picture I have of all of us

Celebrity crush

I just have two things to say about this video. First, I really miss Kidd Kraddick in the Morning. A lot. I'm so glad I can go to YouTube to get my KKITM fix (podcasts are heaven-sent as well).

Second...oh my gosh, I think I have a celebrity crush. Listen to this guy sing! His voice gives me the chills. Plus, he's so darn cute. I've watched this video three times now. Ha ha!

The end.

Breakable

I love LOVE love this song....and Ingrid Michaelson. She is amazing. End of story.

My love language

I've been thinking a lot lately about the power of touch. Quite a few months back, Chrissy gave us a quiz to determine our love language. Mine was physical touch. My close friends laughed when they heard this because they know how freaked out I can be when the wrong person touches me. That's because touch can either be a very positive or a very negative thing, depending on where it's coming from. I offer some recent examples.

On Friday night I slept over at my sister's house. Early this morning I woke up to the feeling of little hands touching my feet. A moment later, I opened my eyes to see this cute little face (Austin) peering over the couch at me.


He was beaming with excitement and exclaimed "Becky!" He was just thrilled to see me. Following closely behind him was this little guy (Liam, 3-1/2 years):

I opened up my blanket, and both kiddos crawled up onto the couch to cuddle with me. It was the best wakeup call ever! A little while later I stumbled into the living room where they were watching cartoons. Austin saw me come in and again squealed "Becky!" He then started patting the couch, motioning for me to sit by him, so I obeyed. After I sat down, he scooted over into the crook of my arm and leaned up against me for the next 30 minutes. It melts my heart to even think about it. These are examples of the good kind of touching, the kind that I can't get enough of.

Sometimes, however, touch has quite the opposite affect. Tonight was the adult session of stake conference. I got there right before it started and quickly found a seat. One of my friends came and sat in the chair to my left. Instead of sitting in the middle of his chair, though, he decided to sit so he was practically in my lap. I kept scooting more and more to my right to avoid being smashed up against him. No such luck; he responded to that by leaning even closer. Then he kept nudging me with his shoulder, trying to get my attention. When I would look over at him, he would respond with a "bouncing eyebrow" and a grin. I failed to see the humor in that situation. The whole time I kept comparing his size to the size of every other person around me. Could he possibly be so big that he can't help but spill over into my personal space? Nope, not the case. So I spent most of the session with my arms tightly folded, trying to make myself as small as possible. At one point, he even reached over and started rubbing my hand, asking if I was cold. I quickly jerked away (pure reflex), and now I feel bad because I think he was offended. It was awkward beyond awkward, though. I was just so uncomfortable, wishing I would have stayed home to study. That is the kind of thing that makes people think I'm anti-touch. If my instinct is to flinch when you touch me, there's likely something wrong (i.e., don't touch me).

While touching sends powerful messages, so does NOT touching. I've had this conversation with a few of you, some of whom think I'm a whack-job for feeling this way. I'm gonna repeat it anyway. When I'm dating a guy I feel like there needs to be a bit of physical contact after you've been out a few times. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type who wants my date to be hanging all over me (especially not in public) or who wants too much physical contact too quickly. A little bit of physical affection would be nice though: hold my hand, put your arm around me, hug me, sit close to me, touch my hair... something! Sweet words are nice -- and they certainly make me smile -- but if you make no effort to touch me, I'm going to forget all of that sweetness and worry that you're not really interested after all (no matter how many times you tell me you are). Dating without any sort of physical contact puts you dangerously close to the friend zone. I'm just sayin'...

Sad Songs

I don't know what my deal has been this weekend, but I've just been in a funk. There's really no reason for this. My life is fantastic right now. And I actually had a pretty good weekend, spent with people I genuinely care about. I guess I just needed a sad day (or two) to counteract all the happiness I've felt in the past month or so. I'm actually not an Elton John fan (at all!), but this song fits my mood perfectly tonight. It’s funny because I even have a playlist on my iPod for days like these. It's called (you guessed it!) "Sad Songs." It's full of all the depressing songs that make me want to curl up in a ball and cry the night away. I haven't listened to it in a while but may need to tonight so I can release all of this negative energy. I’ll be fine in the morning.

Girls: Don’t deny the fact that you know just what I’m talking about - sometimes you just need a good cry.
Guys: Yes, we’re all crazy. There, I said it.

Facebook Overload

My fabulous roommate, Sara, and I were just discussing how silly Facebook is...particularly about being friends with everyone and their dog (and their dog's friends). Five minutes later, I logged on and saw this article. Oh my goodness! That is SOOO me (with the exception of the "top 10 warning signs," most of which don't really apply). Sara recently deleted a bunch of people from her friend list and has gotten it down into the double digits. I, on the other have just surpassed the 400 friends mark, and it kind of makes me sick. What started out as a novel way to keep in touch with old friends has gotten way out of control. I am now trying to catch up with all sorts of people that I didn't even know that well before we got "back in touch." Is this really necessary? Do I really need to be Facebook friends with everyone I saw one time across the room at church? Or with every person in my high school graduating class? Or the girl who sat behind me in Spanish class three semesters ago? They are all lovely people, so where do I draw the line? Should I go through and delete people I don't know all that well? I want to keep in touch with people, but it's gotten way out of hand. How do I decide who is "worthy" of keeping in contact with and who is not? What have you done to avoid this Facebook overload?

An unlikely gentleman

Chivalry is not dead. When I got on the tram this morning, it was standing room only. People continued to pile in, so everyone kept squeezing closer and closer together. As I took off my backpack to put it on the floor, a young guy (about 21 years old) looked up and offered me his seat. My first instinct was to decline, but I realized I should be supporting that kind of behavior. Plus, I really didn't want to hold onto that germ-infested bar anymore. That simple act really impressed me. It’s not often that a young guy (especially outside of our Church) does something like that. It really made my day. So thank you to the sweet college boy who gave up his seat for me. And thank you to all of you gentlemen who make it a habit to respect and honor women with those simple acts of kindness, such as holding doors open and giving up your seat on a crowded bus. I appreciate you!

Missed calls

I sort of have a rule that when someone calls me and doesn't leave a message, I won't call them back. My voicemail recording even states that fact. The only exceptions to this rule are when the missed call is from a family member or very close friend. Even then, I sometimes feel justified in ignoring it (I really don't like talking on the phone). But sometimes I receive a call that piques my interest, and it takes every bit of self-control not to call that person back. I got one of those calls today. No good can come from calling this person, so I'm sticking to my guns and ignoring it. My curiosity is killing me though.

Living in a dream

Two weeks in school (almost), and I'm still alive. Here are some things I've recently discovered:

1.) I absolutely LOVE tennis. I'm a terrible player, but I guess that's to be expected since I've only picked up a racket twice now. But seriously, what a fun game! Why didn't anyone share this joy with me sooner? A girl has to find out on her own after living 29 years without it. What a shame! I'm hooked.

2.) The Texas State Tram is the coolest thing since FM radio. It picks you up right in front of your apartment and brings you to the center of campus. It's constantly in service, so you usually only have to wait 5-7 minutes if you miss it. Plus, it's all FREE! I may never drive again. LOL.

3.) Small wards/branches are INCREDIBLE. I was nervous about moving here, but I am already a part of the branch family. My life hasn't felt this "right" in a long time. I'm just so happy. Even my roommate feels like she belongs; she's come to FHE twice and to Institute once (today, in fact). I've never met a friendlier bunch of people. (PS: I'm not dissing on SA - it's just harder to fit in so quickly in such a large ward.)

4.) I actually enjoy many of the subjects I thought I hated. History is fascinating, speech makes me laugh, and bio (the lab portion) is actually very interesting. I must admit the lecture portion of biology is a TOTAL bore, but that probably has something to do with the fact that it's at 8 am.

5.) After only two weeks here, I already feel a deep sense of pride being a Bobcat. I already own four TX State T-shirts, a sweatshirt, and a blanket. And I fully plan on buying more as time goes by. I wish I could wear TX State gear every day of the week. Maybe that's weird, but I don't care. I love my school!

Life is good.

Let me paint you a picture...

Allow me to paint you a picture of my first weekend “away” at school. Wild parties? Boys? No, even better (LOL). I got into town on Saturday around 7 PM. One of my roommates was planning to spend the evening with friends in Austin and another was heading off to make apple crisp with a neighbor. I decided to use the evening to unpack and clean my room (yes, I like to live on the wild side). I finished unpacking my boxes and stepped out of the apartment to throw them in the dumpster. As I headed out the door, I thought “Maybe I should take my keys just in case my roommate leaves while I’m outside.” I quickly pushed that thought aside, assuming the chances of her leaving during that two minutes were pretty slim. (Do you see where I’m going with this?) As I was walking back to the apartment, I saw a girl across the parking lot rushing to her car. I thought, “Uh oh, what if that’s my roommate?!” Instead of calling out her name, like a normal person might do, I rushed to the front door to see if it was locked. What luck! It was. I rushed back out to the parking lot just as the red Mustang was pulling away and started yelling her name, flapping my arms in the air like a crazy person. Unfortunately she didn’t see me and peeled off into the night. So here I am at 9:30 on a Saturday night, wearing a pair of baggy sweats, a ratty old T-shirt that is LITERALLY three sizes too big, and my granny slippers (very warm and comfy, not so stylish). I had no idea what to do and I was mortified to be seen in those clothes, so I sat on the steps and waited. After about 30 minutes, I decided to look for my other roommate. I knew she was at a neighbor’s house, but I didn’t know which apartment she lived in. So… I started knocking on random doors, hoping to find her (or at least someone that knew her). First door: Hot guy wearing nothing but a skimpy towel. It was mortifying. I gave up after several doors proved unfruitful and decided to go sit. My roommate promised to bring home some apple crisp, so I knew she’d be back before it got too late. She finally showed up at about 10:30, at which point the story became funny (experiences like this are never very funny when you’re in the middle of them). Good times!

Church today was pretty cool. The branch here is much smaller than I expected, but the members are fantastic. Since it’s so tiny, it’s easy to notice the new people, and I was greeted by practically everyone. They made me feel right at home, and I have no doubt I will thrive here. What’s even more amazing is that during the opening hymn, a girl came into the chapel looking for a place to sit. I gestured for her to sit next to me, and she gratefully smiled down at me. Her face looked familiar, and it took me a minute to realize she looked just like my Madrid MTC companion. I didn’t believe it could actually be her, so I craned my neck to see her scriptures. Sure enough, it was. She just moved here for grad school. How amazing is that?! I haven’t seen her since we left Madrid 5½ years ago, and here she was sitting by my side. What a tender mercy! I can tell this is going to be a great semester. I’m so happy to be here.

Things you ought'a know

The other day when Yangster and I were talking, I casually mentioned something about my dad passing away. She was taken aback because apparently we had never had this conversation before. I felt silly because that's obviously a big part of who I am today. I've been pondering this ever since. Why do I find it so difficult to share personal things with the people I care the most about? At what point in a friendship do I truly let my full self be known? Have I ever let my full self be known? To anyone?

So...in light of this, I've decided to compile a random list of things you ought to know about me. These aren't deep, dark secrets or anything (it'll take a while for me to be that comfortable), but maybe it'll give you a little insight into who I am.

Things you ought'a know about me:

• I love, love, LOVE this song... like, more than any other song on the planet. It's been my absolute favorite since I first saw Karate Kid II as a little girl. Whenever I hear it, my heart swells, and I'm taken away to another place. I just love it.
• I hate the smell of men's cologne (less is more!), bacon & eggs, and rose-scented perfume/lotion/soap.
• I love the smell of lilacs, freshly mowed grass, rain, dryer vent air, and freshly bathed babies (gotta love that baby lotion).
• I believe people are generally good.
• I hate eating on a first date (or second, or third...).
• My "language" for showing love is through service. So...please let me take care of your fish while you're out of town...or pick you up from the airport even though your flight arrives at 1 AM on a weeknight...or wash the dishes/clean the bathroom/cook dinner for you...or even just sit with you when you're too sad to talk.
• I never sing in the shower.
• I LOVE "reality" TV shows.
• I love hugs (not the candy...white chocolate = gross)!

Well...I'm out of time, so that's all you get for now.